My mom, Ann Stark, died a week ago from a stroke, at the age of 68.
When I was two years old, she had her first major cerebral hemorrhage. We were living in Hefei (Anhui, China) at the time, where both my parents had teaching positions at the university. A top Chinese brain surgeon saved her life.
In addition to being fluent in Mandarin from majoring in the language and attending university in Taiwan, she spoke Vietnamese, having spent time in Vietnam during the latter years of the war, where her father served as a doctor.
My mom lost her speech when I was two. With great effort, she regained the ability to speak English – typically using brief sentences or single words. In each word she would pack a paragraph of meaning. She would read a sentence in the time I would read a page. Nonetheless, her mind remained sharp. Last month she was still playing a competitive game of scrabble and her bridge and rummy games were strong.
Although she used a wheelchair outside of the house, that didn't stop her joy of exploration and travels to many countries – at times sleeping in tents or hostels. We have pushed her in a chair through sand and snow, off the beaten paths. She was at her happiest traveling, being in nature, and taking photographs.
She was a fierce advocate for peace and justice. Around the outset of the Iraq war, she could be counted on to be at the all the major protests in Austin, Texas. In more recent years, while living in Maryland, she loved going to big rallies in DC on an array of progressive issues.
My mom was a big champion of me, applauding my improvised dance routines in the living room and my handsprings in the yard, and giving me lots of trust and freedom even when I was young. She had a consistent, quiet, deep presence and she gave me so much love.
While I expect the feelings to come in waves, at the moment I am at peace with her passing. After another severe cerebral aneurysm five years ago, she refused to eat for days. I accepted at that time that she wouldn't make it, but then, slowly, she did start eating and pulled through and went on to have several more decent years of life, with more adventures and enjoying time with my kids.